Kids TV: The Good, The Bad And The Put-Your-Head-Through-A-Wall Terrible.

I’ve watched my fair share of kids TV over the ages.

From watching it myself, as a child during the golden age of SM:TV, Mona The Vampire and MI High to watching it at University as “research” for a housemate training as a primary school teacher, to sitting in a dark room at 3am watching Bing Bunny whilst an 18 month old does grabby hands at ice creams on screen.

Therefore, I feel like I am competently qualified to give you the run-down of the best and worst kids TV out there today.

(This is inspired by the current Pokemon series Elliot is obsessed with that we’ve been watching for the past few weeks. FOURTY-TWO EPISODES PER SERIES. Can you imagine what the last series of Game of Thrones would have been like if they’d had that timescale to play with?!)

The Best:

Dick and Dom in da Bungalow: Possibly the best TV show ever created. Laid in bed last night until nearly midnight watching clips of this on Twitter and actually crying real tears of laughter. My favourite moment remains: the girl who rang the wrong number. Back in the day when you only had six channels.

Hey Duggee: It’s actually quite aesthetically pleasing for a kids TV show. They’ve definitely had an episode where everything looked like it had fallen out of a Wes Anderson movie, and it’s given us the true gift that is the Stick Song. I won’t link to that as it’s a serious ear-worm. Or ear-stick? Not sure if that works – ANYWAY it’s really quite cool and I don’t mind watching six episodes in a row.

Waffle The Wonder Dog: Probably a bit of a Marmite program, here. It’s about a dog that can talk. But a) in the first episode, they get married and when they discover a magical dog in their house the woman rips off her wedding dress to reveal her Vet uniform underneath. Second best outfit reveal since Violet Chachki’s tartan moment. There’s also really catchy tunes, the dog is voiced by Rufus Hound and I spend all my time wondering how their house works – it has a very intriguing layout. That’s what I think of when I watch TV shows now – the interiors.

The Worst:

Paw Patrol: I could truly write an essay on the shit that goes on in Adventure Bay but I like to try and keep these blog posts under 1000 words. To sum it up: the Mayor is even shitter than Theresa May, there’s this weird man that lives at sea who pretends to be pretentious by picking particular POINTS OF PHRASE THAT BEGIN WITH P and you could probably swim in the spit that he creates. It just drives me up the wall. Also, your child will be obsessed with it one day and you’ll spend £79.99 on a Paw Patrol Adventure Bay Play Set complete with all five pups and a Bettina the cow and the next day he’ll be interested in something completely different.

Peppa Pig: I don’t think I need to explain the show Peppa Pig as everyone ever has seen one episode, or at least that meme of Peppa hanging up the phone on her friend like a bitch. It’s just absolute shite, from the fat-shaming of poor old Daddy Pig to the madness of why they all live on hills and where they draw the line at eating other animals? We watched hours and hours and hours of this and I dread to imagine how many brain cells perished.

Fireman Sam: I’m not 100% sure that Pontypandy isn’t the town where the Wicker Man takes place. Absolutely terrifying place where things set on fire every single day, and everyone has the Fire Brigade on speed-dial. WEIRD. Also, note that Norman Price is Fireman Sam’s illegitimate son and he’s obviously fighting those daddy issues by setting fire to things. Which gives me some serious serial killer vibes, to be honest.

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The “Actively-Skip-This-Trust-Me”:

Patchwork Pals: The episodes of Patchwork Pals are only approximately five minutes long, but I would honestly make those five minutes the time when you go to the toilet or boil the kettle or hang the washing out because it’s excruciatingly awkward to watch. In one episode, a chicken gets an egg stuck…coming out of them. And employs the help of their friends, including an elephant to help them get it out.

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HONESTLY, I’M CRYING WITH IT.

Show Me Show Me: There’s just something really weird about a grown man playing in a playground with teddy bears. It just seems wrong. All you need to know is in one episode, they were talking about kites and it sounded like something else. Every other moment of the show is irrelevant. Please find said moment here. But trust me, it really does sound like Something Else so I’d recommend being careful if you’re watching it with children in tow.

The Furchester Hotel: I’ll be honest, this is more of a personal beef. I have a deep-seated fear of Elmo that has haunted me to my very core and the thought of staying in a hotel where he just appears from nowhere shouting “ELMO” is…ugh. I’d rather stay in the hotel from The Shining and share a room with the old woman in the shower, honestly. I do applaud their rhyming skills though, as they concocted a whole song around the word “catastrophe.”

Let me know what you think of my choices, and if there’s anything you’d add or change. I’m sure you’ll thank me later when you’ve fallen down a hour-long rabbit hole of Dick and Dom in Da Bungalow.

 

Things That Have Made Me Cry Recently

I’ve had a bit of a funny turn recently.

Everything became a bit much for me, as life occasionally does and I took a slight step back. Not even from anything in particular, just a step back from everyone and everything and just hid for a few weeks.

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Photo by Mikhail Vasilyev on Unsplash

Couldn’t even particularly tell you why, just that I am still anxiety’s bitch and sometimes will still succumb to its will.

It’s been a bit of a write-off, so I’ve decided to ease myself back in gently by writing about utter tosh.

Whilst I was taking some time off from being a member of society,  laying on the sofa and ignoring the crust of Cheerios and dust that was covering my entire house, I seemed to be on an emotional rollercoaster. Having an anxiety moment meant that I was living on a knife-edge and the slightest thing could have me tearing up.

And I thought I’d share the pain, because if I don’t laugh I’ll cry even more.

Here are a few choice things I’ve cried over whilst hiding from the blog, from my inbox, from my friends and from myself.

  • One morning, I woke up and decided I wanted to wear my dungarees. I got them out of the wardrobe, only to find that somehow one of the metal bits had come undone. I had no idea how to get it back on, no idea how it had fallen off and no idea what else I was going to wear. I sat there in tears before I realised a) that I could wear anything else in my wardrobe, including my leopard print culottes with the elasticated waist which are practically pyjamas and b) that my period had arrived.

 

  • Mrs Hinch’s Instagram stories where she videos herself folding baby clothes whilst We Belong Together by Mariah Carey plays over the top.

 

  • Reece and I started watching The Office US and I just thought about the Niagara episodes. The only time where Chris Brown can be played without judgement. It’s also Reece’s first time watching it, so I got to enjoy Jim and Pam for the first time all over again through his eyes and got a bit more emotional.

 

  • After writing that last point, I found the scene in question and watched it on Youtube. Now crying again.

 

  • Sir Terry Pratchett’s hat had it’s own chair at the Good Omens premiere.

 

  • At a seriously low point, I looked at some Father’s Day cards and an Ed Sheeran song came over the shop radio. I had to leave as I was getting a quivery bottom lip and it was actually embarrassing.  When I told Reece this story, he started laughing as I said, a bit wobbly, ” I just…people out there love their dads so much they want to buy them cards!”

 

  • I had a shower and listened to Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi and cried in the rain so no-one could see my tears.

 

  • I spent a week listening to Tell All Your Friends by Taking Back Sunday in full, on repeat, as I’m seeing it live in two weeks time. Teaming that with re-living the pain of Jim Halpert in Series 2 of The Office meant I turned into an angsty 15 year old. I have since stopped listening to said album and have remembered I’m a happily married woman before I start making bloody Piczo graphics of Cute Without The E lyrics again.

 

  • Elliot put a baseball cap on backwards and started singing the Pokemon theme tune at me and it was just really, really cute. The first time. By the seventh time that day, I was wishing for a Charizard to burn me to death.

It’s been a tough ol’ week, I’ll be honest. Onwards and upwards, I spose!

Realistic Renovations: Goals For The Year

Haha, bet you thought you’d seen the last of this segment!

After our sudden burst of excitement regarding the bathroom last year, we’ve plateau’d a little bit over the past few months as we had birthdays and Christmas and New Year then Elliot’s birthday and holidays.

Basically all we have left to do in the bathroom is buy a toilet roll holder, a cabinet and get a new light fitting as our current bug graveyard is slightly depressing.

BUT I’m getting twitchy fingers and am looking at the rest of the house with critical eyes, working out who the next victim will be…

We’ve only got a tiny house, so there aren’t that many rooms to deal with so it should be really easy!

Anyway. Here’s my ideas for the rest of the house. (I know I said the year in the title but that may be slightly idealistic but we’ll ignore that for now.)

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Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

Elliot’s room needs painting and new curtains. The accessories of the room are all orange, so we need to think of a colour that will go well with orange. I have concluded that no colour goes with orange and I’m at a standstill as I am adamant that his bedroom will not resemble the inside of a pumpkin. I’ve bought jungle themed wall stickers and have been eyeing up these curtains to give everything a bit of a theme.

Our room needs a reshuffle. We have a MASSIVE almost walk-in wardrobe but it’s currently really badly organised. I’ve been dreaming about wardrobe compartments which shows a) I’m at a turning point in my life as I’m normally the untidiest person you’ll ever meet and b) I’m really fucking boring.

Honestly, a custom fitted wardrobe advert came on telly earlier and I sighed a sigh that’s normally reserved for when I imagine a Jake Gyllenhaal/Tom Holland sandwich with a Hayley filling.

I also really want to paint it pink. WAIT, REECE, HEAR ME OUT. I’m going for a more boudoir vibe than jumble sale, since I’m a grown woman who dreams about wardrobe compartments.

The landing/hall/front room/dining room are all the same – yellow and boring. It all needs painting to give it a new life, I’m thinking a neutral light grey with loads of frames. I’d also like loads of plants but I’ve already killed Elliot’s beanstalk from school that he brought home the other week so I won’t hold out much hope.

The kitchen *rubs hands together* will be the next biggest project. This will be hopefully started this summer, as we can live off BBQ’d Halloumi and chinese takeaway whilst my 90’s hellhole is being removed. I cannot wait to live in a Wickes show room, standing there cooking some lovely fresh meal that is definitely NOT oven chips whilst admiring mug storage. Just with more Star Wars themed accessories. BB8 biscuit tin, I’m looking at you.

I love talking and reading about interiors and I’m excited to get going with this whole renovations series again.

I’m currently preparing a bumper kitchen post, full of ideas and inspiration – both Pinterest and practical, so keep your eyes peeled for that as well.

Speak soon!

 

Favourites of the Month #1

Normally I would write a post all about things I’m reading at the moment, or things I’ve listened to recently or something along those lines. However – this month I have really tried to take time for myself.

I’m not going to use the s and c words because we all know they’re thrown around like a hot potato and I don’t want to sound like a broken record.

Or an influencer off Instagram who spent £26 on soap and is singing the praises of a really expensive spa they went to for free.

I’m just making sure that I’m watching more than just Homes Under The Hammer, listening to more than just Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge and reading more than just long Instagram captions.

I also would like to become one of those people who has important things to say. Who knows things about current affairs other than “ain’t Brexit a load of shit, right?” and popular culture that isn’t just Simpsons quotes from 1999.

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With regards to reading, I’ve tried to hit the ground running as I haven’t read a book for approximately 4 years other than the Very Hungry Caterpillar and wanted to change that this year.

Eat, Drink, Run by Bryony Gordon was a very good read, especially during that January slump where you’re thinking about resolutions but don’t actually want to DO anything about them.

It’s all about how she went from being a complete couch potato drowning in mental health issues to someone who ran the marathon (twice!)

I found it inspiring but not patronising and would recommend to anyone who suffers from anxiety (or other ailments) and can’t see a way out of the hole.

Why I’m No Longer Talking To White People About Race – Reni Eddo-Lodge was an eye-opening read. I became very aware of my privilege and my ignorance and am very glad I read it.

I genuinely think this book should be handed out to everyone on like, their 16th birthday so that they can grow into adulthood being a well-rounded adult instead of someone who hashtags #savetommyrobinson and votes for Brexit. (Ain’t it a load of shit, right?)

I can’t read and watch television at the same time, I have to listen to music that wouldn’t be out of place at Rainbow Rhythms (from that episode of Peep Show?) and pretend like Jeremy Kyle isn’t just one click away.

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Normally of an evening, I’m either watching Reece play Overwatch on the XBOX or watching Silent Witness out of the corner of my eye whilst I’m really concentrating on Candy Crush.

However, this week I’ve been home alone of an evening, which means it’s the perfect time to sit and binge watch a good show.

And binge watch I did. I’ve (finally) started How To Get Away With Murder. OH. MY. GOD. I have screamed at the telly at least five times this week because it keeps TWISTING and TURNING. It’s the tale of Annalise Keating, a criminal defence lawyer and a group of students that work for her as part of their degree. And there might be a little bit of murder, clue’s in the title.

I’m going to be honest with you and say I haven’t watched anything else all week, haha. But I am looking forward to watching Conversations With A Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes and the new Shane Dawson Conspiracy series.

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Music-wise, I haven’t listened to much other than Chill~ playlists on Spotify and reliving the joy of A Flash Flood Of Colour by Enter Shikari as I’ve been jogging around the block.

Podcasts, however, have pretty much taken the place of my husband. Whilst I’m washing up, when I’m in the shower, when I’m cooking, cleaning, falling asleep. I love having that chatter around me.

My favourites this week are Love Stories with Dolly Alderton. Her latest episode was with Stanley Tucci and honestly, I’ve never found someone talking about pasta sexier. It’s also heartbreaking and warming in the same breath. I’d definitely recommend.

As always, I’ve been loving All Killa No Filla. Two female comedians talking us through serial killers from near and far, recent and historic. Plus they’re fucking funny.

I normally listen to them when I’m falling asleep, so have only got half way through but found myself cackling at a very angry discussion about whether a Do Not Disturb sign actually works when you’re in a hotel.

I’m probably flogging a dead horse by telling you all about these things. If you’re a little bit later to the party than I am, then let me know if you’re going to listen/watch/read anything I’ve mentioned above and how you found it?

PS. Especially if you’re going to watch How To Get Away With Murder message me because I need to talk about it, and my one-sided Facebook conversations with Reece on holiday aren’t cutting it.

Saying Goodbye To January

Today I want to celebrate with you all as we wave goodbye to January, the month that has lasted 37,000 years and everything that she holds. Bring on February, bring on Valentine’s Day and PANCAKES.

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Things that have made January absolute dog shit and should be forgotten about as we move into the real year that begins on 1st February.

The whole Piers Morgan sausage roll debate. I can’t think of anyone in life who actually likes Piers Morgan. I eat meat yet am actively searching out a Greggs that sells the vegan sausage rolls so I can eat one and enjoy it in a small action of “fuck you!” to that piece of ham.

That really cute dog died. I KNOW. And what made it even worse was that The Really Cute Dog died of a broken heart because his best friend died about a year ago! What a terrible start to the year.

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Brexit. Shouldn’t have even made it into 2019. NEXT.

People who couldn’t understand why others were doing Dry January and had to post snidey pictures about how much they love prosecco all the time. No-one cares about your slightly moist January.

The fact that Mrs Hinch has been famous for about six months and I still haven’t been able to buy my own Minkeh. This is a niche one but for those that get it, they’ll GET IT. I’m really sad and cannot fully commit to cleaning my house until I own one.

Local Facebook groups where everyone is racist. Really makes you want to pack up and move somewhere nice and liberal. And then you start thinking about Brexit again. And then you start grumbling about how it’s still Dry January and you could really do with a drink. And the cycle goes on forever.

Things that will get us through. Trudging through life one day at a time.

I remembered the other day I have churros in my freezer that I bought for Christmas and never ate. There’s always a silver lining. And I’ve got two: a packet of caramel churros and a packet of chocolate ones too!

Ariana Grande is really living for us all right now. I even bought a t-shirt with “thank u, next” written on it. I’ve not even got an ex, I’ve been with Reece since I was 15 years old yet you’d better believe I am in the shower screaming how grateful I am.

Brendon Urie is out there right now, living his life. Just think about how gorgeous he is and that’ll get you through the cold winter nights.

I have forgotten skinny jeans. I’m now living my life in a pair of leopard print culottes that I had to double check weren’t pyjamas when I bought them because they’re so ffff’in dreamy. I recommend that you do the same.

Somewhere in your house, you’ve forgotten about a pack of Christmas chocolate and/or biscuits. Let’s not talk about the tub at work that’s full of Bounty’s and shame. I was moving some of Elliot’s Christmas presents the other day and found a box of M&S chocolate biscuits. God bless me.

So as we say goodbye to this god-forsaken month; raise your glass of cheap prosecco high (I’m doing dry February as well, because I love pain so I’ll have a cuppa tea) and let’s celebrate being one step closer to leaving the EU!

Cheers!
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