I’ve had a bit of a funny turn recently.
Everything became a bit much for me, as life occasionally does and I took a slight step back. Not even from anything in particular, just a step back from everyone and everything and just hid for a few weeks.
Couldn’t even particularly tell you why, just that I am still anxiety’s bitch and sometimes will still succumb to its will.
It’s been a bit of a write-off, so I’ve decided to ease myself back in gently by writing about utter tosh.
Whilst I was taking some time off from being a member of society, laying on the sofa and ignoring the crust of Cheerios and dust that was covering my entire house, I seemed to be on an emotional rollercoaster. Having an anxiety moment meant that I was living on a knife-edge and the slightest thing could have me tearing up.
And I thought I’d share the pain, because if I don’t laugh I’ll cry even more.
Here are a few choice things I’ve cried over whilst hiding from the blog, from my inbox, from my friends and from myself.
- One morning, I woke up and decided I wanted to wear my dungarees. I got them out of the wardrobe, only to find that somehow one of the metal bits had come undone. I had no idea how to get it back on, no idea how it had fallen off and no idea what else I was going to wear. I sat there in tears before I realised a) that I could wear anything else in my wardrobe, including my leopard print culottes with the elasticated waist which are practically pyjamas and b) that my period had arrived.
- Mrs Hinch’s Instagram stories where she videos herself folding baby clothes whilst We Belong Together by Mariah Carey plays over the top.
- Reece and I started watching The Office US and I just thought about the Niagara episodes. The only time where Chris Brown can be played without judgement. It’s also Reece’s first time watching it, so I got to enjoy Jim and Pam for the first time all over again through his eyes and got a bit more emotional.
- After writing that last point, I found the scene in question and watched it on Youtube. Now crying again.
- Sir Terry Pratchett’s hat had it’s own chair at the Good Omens premiere.
- At a seriously low point, I looked at some Father’s Day cards and an Ed Sheeran song came over the shop radio. I had to leave as I was getting a quivery bottom lip and it was actually embarrassing. When I told Reece this story, he started laughing as I said, a bit wobbly, ” I just…people out there love their dads so much they want to buy them cards!”
- I had a shower and listened to Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi and cried in the rain so no-one could see my tears.
- I spent a week listening to Tell All Your Friends by Taking Back Sunday in full, on repeat, as I’m seeing it live in two weeks time. Teaming that with re-living the pain of Jim Halpert in Series 2 of The Office meant I turned into an angsty 15 year old. I have since stopped listening to said album and have remembered I’m a happily married woman before I start making bloody Piczo graphics of Cute Without The E lyrics again.
- Elliot put a baseball cap on backwards and started singing the Pokemon theme tune at me and it was just really, really cute. The first time. By the seventh time that day, I was wishing for a Charizard to burn me to death.
It’s been a tough ol’ week, I’ll be honest. Onwards and upwards, I spose!