19 New Years Resolutions for 2019

Are you like me and sick of making the same resolutions for the new year? Lose weight, go to the gym, save money.  Same old bollocks, different year.

Photo by Kaboompics .com from Pexels

Here are 19 ideas of what I’m going to try and do this year (and fail miserably, no doubt – but that’s okay!)

  1. I will remember to take my reusable cup everywhere I go. I will not get paper cups. I will not take Instagram boomerangs of me doing a cheers with Elliot’s water bottle with the caption “Shopping with my bestie!”
  2. I will remember my fricking reusable shopping bags whenever I go out. I am so bloody sick of imagining my cupboard under the stairs, that is absolutely chock-full of reusable bags cackling at me as I pay another 20p to carry my Aldi shop home.
  3. I promise to stop going to Sainsburys for bread and milk and coming out with a new duvet set, three vases and a DVD for Elliot before getting home and realising I never got the actual food.
  4. I will stop going to the bloody Co-op three times a day as I keep forgetting to buy things when I do the actual weekly shop. I must stop the daily trips to the shop in my pyjama bottoms and no bra. It’s getting embarassing when Elliot proudly tells people he went to the shop at 7:10am in his pyjamas and Crocs for milk.
  5. I promise to actually utilise my Netflix account to watch the many award-winning films and TV shows that are available to me, instead of watching Gavin and Stacey on repeat.
  6. I will also possibly maybe buy my own Netflix account instead of using my Mum’s, when I haven’t lived at home for nearly two years. I am an independent young woman.
  7. I will remember to send birthday cards to everyone this year. I will not give people their birthday presents on Christmas Day. (This is especially embarrassing if your Dad’s birthday is in May and you found his presents at the back of the wardrobe mid-December. Soz, Dad.)
  8. I will stop caring about who Jake Paul is dating.
  9. I will get a skincare routine and stick to it. I will not fall asleep in my makeup and then resort to wiping my face with a baby wipe once I’ve woken up. I will stop smearing mascara all over my wedding present pillowcases.
  10. I will stop playing Candy bloody Crush until 2am. I will definitely stop changing the date and time manually on my phone so that it gives me 5 more lives each time. I will stop Googling “candy crush cheats level 667” at 2:30am when I’m stuck.
  11. I will actually sign petitions when I see them on Facebook and stop giving up when I get to the “confirm your email address” page. I’m so lazy, I just don’t bother to go any further and then it never lets me sign anything. I know, Brexit is probably my fault. Sorry.
  12. I will stop listening to podcasts about flat earth and Ted Bundy and utilise the Internet to broaden my mind.
  13. I will hoover my house every day. Seriously. I really need to hoover.
  14. I will paint my toenails regularly this year, not just once at the beginning of summer and then watch it slowly grow out until Christmas.
  15.  I will stop buying black ankle boots.
  16. I will stop scrolling through Zoopla when I’m bored. It doesn’t matter how pretty a five-bedroom house next to Greenwich Park looks. It’s 3.4 million pounds, Hayley. Shut up and hoover your own house.
  17. I will stop buying tights and just unravel the ones I’ve got. If I leave the pile in the airing cupboard any longer, I think it might turn into a black hole and eventually the whole universe will get sucked in there.
  18. I will do something cheesy like stand in front of the mirror for 10 minutes a day and tell myself how gorgeous I am. Joking, I haven’t got 10 minutes to spare and I’m constantly forgetting to shut the curtains so end up flashing my neighbours when I do get dressed.
  19. I will step out of 2007 and stop listening to Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge on repeat. Seriously, it’s gone too far.

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