24 Things I’ve Learnt Being 24

I’m turning 25 soon. I haven’t actually written that down yet but now I have, I’m actually a bit scared because if I live to 100 (unlikely) I’m a quarter of the way through my life. Oh Christy.

25 years old, the pair of us and we still haven’t mastered the art of taking a decent selfie. 

Because I am full of infinite wisdom, please hear some life lessons I have learnt during my lengthy time on this earth that I wish to impart onto you. (I’m going for a bit of a Yoda vibe, hear me out okay?)

  1. Adult friendships consist of sending texts every now and then enquiring if each other is still alive, and trying to meet up. Chances are you’re both working and will never meet up but live in a circle of sending memes to each other on WhatsApp until some time near Christmas.
  2. You learn to love hummus. Just keep at it, okay?
  3. Don’t waste time, effort and money on shit biscuits. You deserve better. Go in for a solid triple chocolate or raspberry and white choc.
  4. The best pants are black and come in a pack of 5 from M&S. You can try and kid yourself that you’re in for a bit of lace but you’ll soon come round. I’m your elder, listen to my truth.
  5. People only eat avocado on toast for Instagram. Don’t waste your life away, get a sausage bap down ya.
  6. There comes a time in everyone’s life when they start to enjoy watching property programs. Mine came at 24 and a half years old. Watching Grand Designs and commenting “really? with that budget? they’ve got NO chance of finishing that in 8 weeks!” under a blanket with a cup of tea on a Saturday night. Sign me up!
  7. If you want to make a good spag bol, use Worcestershire Sauce and a bit of ketchup.
  8. It’s been said a thousand times but yes, leopard print is a neutral.
  9. Everyone needs a pair of black ankle boots. Also have a pair of leopard print ones, just in case of emergencies.
  10. The optimum tight denier is between 80 – 100. The fleecy lined ones can get sweaty, so are a bit overrated.
  11. For years, I never owned a belt. I have no idea why I never owned a belt as I’ve literally got one a few months ago and never take it off. I suddenly have a waist. All my trousers look okay and fit. Don’t mug yourself off for a decade, get down Primark, they do a good copy for a Gucci one apparently.
  12.  Skinny jeans are not everyone’s friends. I’ve ripped through enough of them to know they are not my kind. Try different styles on. You don’t lose any emo credit, don’t worry.
  13. Supermarkets sell surprisingly good clothes. And regularly have amazing sales. I own more from Tesco than I do Topshop.
  14. Before you get in the shower, stick your pants on the radiator. It’s a simple trick but a good-un. Your day will always go well if you start it with radiator pants.
  15. 24 is the age where you get too old for Wetherspoons. We went in there a few months ago and there was genuinely someone drinking a beer wearing school uniform. Bum fluff moustaches all round. I felt like I’d be collecting my pension next week. Never again.
  16. 24 is not the age where you start to like red wine. Well, maybe for some. My husband can enjoy a glass (or a bottle, he’s been known to come home with a lovely pair of red wine lips) but I am still in the pink, fizzy and preferably from Lidl club.
  17. At some point you need to accept your true Hogwarts house and stop kidding yourself you’re a Gryffindor. I’m a Hufflepuff. Don’t let the badger put you off, accept your truth.
  18. Pumpkin spiced lattes taste like shit. Don’t put yourself through it for an Instagram post, just order yourself a flat white and stop faffing about.
  19.  To be honest, if you own any of those little footsie socks that you’re not meant to see above your trainers – just throw them in the bin. I bought some thinking I’d look cool giving the illusion of no socks but really being comfy but they’re SHIT. I got through one day of them, ended up with them bunched up at my toes and then threw them away when I got home. Just wear proper socks.
  20.  I don’t know if I’m getting old, or if I’m just coming to my senses but I have no need to FAFF ABOUT. Why make life difficult, why wade around the point when you could just get straight to it, get it done and get home again. I’ve learnt that even when you’re avoiding something it’s better to just get it done, because worrying makes the job seem a thousand times harder. Please note: this doesn’t mean that I actually DO this. I am the master of fluffing about instead of getting through my to-do list but I’m aware of where I can improve and I think that’s important.
  21.  Staying in bed for those extra five minutes doesn’t help. It does one of two things: 1) it makes you grumpy as you can’t relax as you’re now properly awake and you want to get up but you’re dedicated to staying in bed for those five minutes or 2) you fall back to sleep in those five minutes and wake up an hour later confused what week it is and late for work.
  22.  Never drink Jagerbombs. You’ll not get overly drunk off them but the energy drink will hit you and you’ll end up doing the bloody Bleep Test around the smoking area of a random club because you’re absolutely buzzing.
  23.  You do like gin. It’s tonic that you don’t like. Try it with lemonade. Also, if you’ve ignored my other points and you are sat in a Wetherspoons then you can order it on the app and pretend you’re classy and drinking a G and T when really it’s the raspberry stuff with lemonade that just tastes like fancy squash.
  24.  No matter how old you are, you will always look around for the adultier adult. Everyone else always looks like they’ve got their shit together, whether it’s because their house is better than yours, their job is better than yours or because they know what gets marks off school jumpers. The main thing I’ve learnt over the past 24 years? None of us have a fucking clue what we are doing, we’re all bumbling along.

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