In case you didn’t know, I got married earlier this year. And, as the title hints at: I also suffer from anxiety and something that was a big part of wedding planning for me was to keep it as easy-going as possible. That’s not to say it wasn’t stressful, and I did 100% cry to my now-husband “Why are we even getting married? Surely we’re fine as we are!”
Anyway, here’s a few tips, not from anywhere professional, literally just what I found from planning and going through my own wedding.
Find a venue that takes care of everything for you. We got married at Cooling Castle Barn and got ready, had the ceremony, had the reception all at the same place. We also had room for us to stay over and guests could sleep there too. This was a GOD-SEND because it took so many stresses off my back. I didn’t have to find any transport to take everyone from one venue to the other and I’m pretty sure it ended up cheaper.
Cooling Castle Barn were also brilliant and dealt with everything for us, we spoke via email and phone and then just turned up the afternoon before the wedding with our bits and bobs and they set it all up for us. To be fair, we didn’t even need to bring any bits and bobs as they could have most of it for us. We made our own table plan, I made our own place cards and table decorations but it was a possibility to have that all taken care of by the venue.
Accept the help. Honestly, I would shake past-me by the shoulders and scream “LET PEOPLE HELP YOU!” because I was such a martyr when I was planning our wedding and wouldn’t even allow Reece to help me. I have to be in control of every situation otherwise my anxiety takes over and I spend the whole time worrying about what could go wrong. (That’s why, even though I said earlier that the venue gave us the option to literally just turn up on the day and they’d have dealt with everything, I still took a week off work and spent over £100 on fake foliage) However, my life would have been made much easier by letting people help me more, rather than sitting in my front room surrounded by jars and leaves and burning myself on a glue gun on my own slowly going round the twist.
Work with people who you feel comfortable around. The world of wedding suppliers is MASSIVE. It’s frankly terrifying to go through all these photographers, bakers, florists, make-up artists, table decorators, DJ’s, bands, car hire companies. We went to a wedding fayre and literally ran away because we’d been bombarded with all sorts of stuff when I knew I wanted my wedding to be simple. I ended up finding a photographer we felt really comfortable around and I feel that shows in our photos. Our wedding cake was made by my step-mum and was amazing. My hair and make-up was done by my hairdresser who always cuts our families hair and the florist was a family friend as well. All people I felt comfortable around, and that made it a much easier process to talk to them and to really get my vision across.
Keep it small. We might be slightly hypocritical with this one, as we didn’t exactly have a tiny wedding but we definitely didn’t go overboard and invite everyone we’ve ever met. I, again, kept it with people I felt comfortable around.
I felt absolutely sick to my stomach whenever I thought about talking in front of the crowd, as in saying our vows. However, and this is going to verge on cringe, when we were up there I genuinely didn’t even notice everyone else sat there. It’s just you and your future spouse and everyone else kinda fades into the background.
With regards to picking the guests, I found sending out the invites horrifically scary because I didn’t think anyone would come and I couldn’t handle the sheer thought of booking this beautiful venue and no-one turning up. HOWEVER, turns out people love a wedding and 99.9% of the people we invited turned up and had a wonderful time.
Don’t obsess over things you can’t control. I got married in March 2018 – the exact time when the Beast from the East took over England and buried us under snow for a few weeks. I am not exaggerating when I say I freaked the fuck out about it. I spent HOURS looking at weather accounts on Twitter, reading every website about weather that I could find on Google – waiting for someone to tell me it wasn’t going to snow on my wedding day. I was waking up at night to check if the weather app had updated to see if it was going to snow. Yeah, it got real. In the end, I had to delete the Weather app from my iPhone, and it’s definitely improved my mental health.
Basically, do whatever you need to do. If you need to avoid everyone for the week before your wedding because you can’t deal with people asking about it, lock yourself in your house and turn your phone on silent. If you need to surround yourself with people and want to spend your evenings with all your gal pals, flower arranging and making favours up – then rock your socks off. Delete Instagram off your phone if you’re non-stop comparing your wedding to others, delete the bloody Weather app if it’s keeping you up at night. Whatever gets you through the day.
However, serious talk for a second here, I just want to make a point of if you’re seriously struggling to the point where you can’t cope any more with regards to anxiety regarding your wedding or any event in your life then please go to your Dr’s and seek a professional opinion. Don’t just delete the Weather app like that’ll solve all your problems. x
(all pictures on this post were taken by our wedding photographer Lemonade Pictures. she was amazing and I’d highly recommend if you’re getting married in Kent.